Hakuna Matata

I had planned to write about suffering but I couldn't really get into a flow. I tried, really. For almost a week because I had come across this article about suffering and passion in bicycling magazine. Which spurred me into thinking about my brief relationship with Latin, because one of the few words I remember is Pati, which means suffer. (Maybe had I actually stuck with one language instead of taking 3 different ones I might remember more than a few words in each. It's like I met each one at a bar and after a brief encounter realized a long-term relationship wasn't worth pursuing...). The article says that suffering and passion both stem from the word Pati. It stated that "suffering is essential to the beauty and mystery of the sport." I really tried to jump on board with this article because I thought of all the times I suffered when I was riding-I was like finally, suffering! Yes! But suffering is something we create, a way to limit ourselves from the possibilities we think are too far out of reach. The word suffering to me conjures up this idea of pain, hurt, despair, not being able to eat for days, being ripped away from your family as a child sold into the sex slave, watching your father die from the rebels, that's suffering. But being on a bike isn't the same suffering, it's not a miserable state to be in it's a euphoric state where you realize you are on the cusp of greatness, even if it's just beating your time up the same hill you've done for years. And I don't think that those who can suffer the most on the bike are the best. Sure you can handle a little more lactic acid but it's more about their focus, their drive, that passion that keeps them going. It's their intent to why they are riding, because intent is really just the building blocks of the outcome. I think that's where I ran into problems because my intent for Leadville wasn't pure but I thought that by doing it, it would erase everything that had happened by getting hit by a car. Now going into it again, I have to figure out why I really want to do it, other than to be a badass.

Is this what I look like when I stand next to Frank?

California finally happened, which for the first day I kept smiling because I couldn't believe that I was finally there. We spent 4 days at the beach and 1 day at Disneyland. Being at the beach was delectable, being out there in the moment it was perfect. It's awe-inspiring to be in front of something that is so majestic and at the same time so destructible. I borrowed one of Mary Clair's swimsuits because it didn't have straps so I could work on removing those awesome tan lines I got in Vegas, it was great for working on my tan, not so much for boogie boarding. Luckily that was a day that not too many people were at the same beach. We also rented surf boards for 2 days, which I've never done before. My roommate brought his wetsuits so we wouldn't have to rent them. When he told me you don't wear a swimsuit with them I think I gave him the same look that my mom gave me when I told her you don't wear underwear with cycling shorts. Changing out of that into a swimsuit on the beach was definitely a challenge while trying to remain somewhat dignified and not exposing everything at once. It was like all my changing before my rides prepared me for that moment. Ha. My mom told me before she didn't want me to try surfing because she didn't want me to hit my head again, which is a valid concern, and which is why I'm only tell her now. Every time I would fall off I would hear her voice go, "not the head, not the head" and throw my arms over my head and lie underwater until I thought it was safe to come off without getting a surf board to the face. Surfing was pretty cool, at least the 2 times I stood up, most of the other time I was wrestling (mostly getting destroyed) by the waves while trying to stay laying down on the board. My old swim coaches, actually any of my old coaches would not be impressed with my lack of athleticism I showed in the water. I think anyone who saw me was amazed at how bad of a swimmer I was in the ocean. I would be 3 feet from the beach and get taken out from a wave.

Skipping into the Happiest Place on Earth

I don't know why they have cameras anyways...

Disneyland was magical. Everything I thought it would be and so much more. Jessie is a pro at going so knew how to coordinate all the rides so we could make the most out of our day. And we did. Tower of Terror, Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Screamin' California, Soaring California, Toy Story Game, and the Tea Cup Ride, which I'm proud to say I did not throw up on this time. The pictures of us on the rides are pretty comical and almost always the same, My eyes are closed and I appear to be screaming, Jessie seems to be thoroughly enjoying herself, and my roommate looks so nonchalant it's like he's not even on a ride.  I was hoping to run into Cinderella, as she's my favorite princess, mainly because we have so much in common what with her falling down stairs, losing her things and having nothing good happening to her after midnight, that and we both believe a pair of shoes can change your life. Instead we saw Sleeping Beauty, so I took my picture with her even though I'm not a fan of the fact that she fell asleep only to marry the first guy that came along when she woke up. But I guess it worked out as they lived Happily Ever After.

The only bike I've been on so far is my cruiser. I have to check in with people when I leave and when I get home because they don't trust me to be able to ride 3 miles by myself and be okay, but I'm sure my mom appreciates that fact. I still need to find a helmet. I know that part of me not getting one is not finding one that really fits me, but I also know that part of it is that I won't have an excuse to not ride anymore. I'm not so much scared of getting back on my bike and riding but just at how fast everything can happen. Needless to say I'm not planning any solo rides. I haven't given Leadville too much thought because there is no point in letting it consume my life at this point. I am thinking about getting a Scott bike for next year though. It's a girl specific bike, which is probably why I want it but the resale market would be so small that I'd have to commit to keeping to for a while so I'm not sure about that. Plus I'm bonded with my bike now so I'm not sure I want to go through that again, because I'm getting a little old to be sleeping in the back of my car with bikes. At least it's bikes and not boys.

Mirror, Mirror

I've always prized myself on having a good memory (not nearly as good as Heidi's but it's been pretty sufficient). Almost to the point where it's embarrassingly good (I'm not bragging, it's the truth) where I've had to pretend multiple times not to know someone because I met them once two years ago as they were passing by and knew my friend, why they could forget me I'm not sure. But now it's gone, although I'm told it will return but I'm not sure when. Not to fret, as it's not completely gone but my short term memory seems to be well short-circuiting at the moment. It's a really weird state to be in actually. Last Sunday after my parents left I ended up just lounging around and watching 3 movies, by Monday I could only remember 2 and by Tuesday only 1. The only movie I remembered the whole week watching was The Vow, which is actually ironic because in it (spoiler alert!) she loses her memory of the past 5 years (I'm not sure what would have been worse, waking up not remembering the past 5 years or waking up only being able to speak Russian, both would have been entertaining though, at least to Frank and MC, not my parents). Friday night I was driving and started to put on chapstick and it was a deja vu moment where I suddenly remembered watching Mirror, Mirror because in it Julia Roberts gets stung on the lips by bees and then immediately the entire movie came back to me. It's the most bizarre thing to have no recollection of any of the movie for almost a week and then you are bombarded with so many scenes from the movie you wonder how you were ever able to forget.

This was on our table the night before Leadville

I do remember Leadville though. I woke up at 4:30 so that we would be able to leave at 5 (I talked my dad and Frank into coming the night before). I got dressed, all bandaged up and then realized it was just my dad and I, as Frank decided not to wake up. We got to the first aid station, which is at about mile 10 and then mile 90 on the way back. We started making PB&J's and putting oranges, bananas, and m&ms out, along with water and GU Brew (guess I know what my training food is now!). One of the guys said we wouldn't need any food as no one stops. He was right. Only a handful of people stopped and it was mainly ones that had to use the bathroom or they had mechanical issues. One guy came through yelling if anyone had a helmet and was willing to pay $200. The one time I don't have one in my car, it figures. Luckily one of the volunteers did and he took it. He said it fell off about a mile earlier and I'm not sure why the option of riding without one (which warrants being disqualified) overruled the option of stopping and picking it up. I guess in the heat of the moment his critical thinking skills didn't exactly think that one through. Two guys snapped their rear derailleurs off and were out of the race, so I need to make a note to pack an extra one of those (this is only funny if you realize the ridiculousness of trying to put on a new derailleur in the midst of a race). 

Definitely not what I thought I'd be wearing

I felt a little weird being there though, because a lot of the people that were volunteering were doing so to try and get into the race next year. Some of them had even raced previous years and didn't get in this year. I didn't want to tell anyone that I was actually suppose to be racing but instead got a medical deferral. At that point I looked pretty normal (minus the bandages on my hand) and acted pretty normal that I was afraid they were going to judge me for not racing. I know it was silly but I think part of me was judging myself for not racing, even though it would have been a shit show if I had. Some of them asked me if I was going to try and get into the race for next year, my response was usually more of an open to interpretation, "Uh, well see, one of my friends is all about is and so I thought I'd come and check it out." You know when you have a problem and you try to tell your parents but really it's like, "Well, uh you see my friend has this problem..." that was what I felt like. I was definitely able to get a better feel for the race (one guy eats baby food) and it's not as serious as I thought it would be, it's definitely a race but one lady had ribbons on her helmet, and I realized it was probably a lot of wasted energy to try and figure out what to wear. 

It was a long day when I got home from the race, my parents had taken me to get a bed frame and without thinking I thought my bed was a full (I've only had it for a year...) and so we got a full bed frame only to have my dad and Frank put it together and realize that my bed was a queen. And then I just started crying, not even that stifling, just a tear running down, I have something in my eye, this is a sad movie crying. But full on, not breathing, sobbing, my dog just died crying. My dad said, "Don't worry, I'll go change it out, we'll get the right bed frame." I just replied, "It's not about the bed" it never is. My mom took me aside, mainly so Frank would stop telling me it was okay, people buy the wrong beds alllllll the time. She told me that it was okay to grieve for the life I thought I was going to have, even though it's just a small bump (and not a huge detour) having her say that made me realize that for the past 6 months I never once considered not finishing an option. I always saw myself going down that red carpet into the finish. I didn't even fathom not starting, it didn't even cross my mind that it could be a possibility. I had been so careful to try and not get sick in the weeks leading up to it, not riding any technical single track, so that I would be 100% on race day. The biggest thing I have to get over is not being able to remember the crash, for something that I'll never be able to remember...it's hard to forget. 

I was cleared to exercise this week, which was interesting. I went to the gym because I thought it would be good to be in a controlled environment so I got on the elliptical, which I've never really understood the purpose of that machine. Who are these people that actually use it? It's a pretty humbling experience though, not as bad as when I had to learn to walk again, on the treadmill and going about 2.7mph. I let what I thought people thought of me dictate what I thought of me (did you follow that). The fact that I was only going 20 minutes on the elliptical, in my mind people were saying she's not an athlete, but that's what I was thinking about myself. It's a good lesson to learn though, seeing my insecurities in what I think others are thinking of me (which I let happen at the race). I'm working on it. It took a couple of minutes to get over it at the gym, and the ridiculousness of that machine, have you ever tried that thing? It's really quiet awkward, I had no idea what to do with my arms the whole time- do I use the "trekking poles" do I put them on the place that it takes heart rate, do I just put them at my side? If someone could fill me in that would be great. And it helped that The Real Housewives of New Jersey was on, their problems are soooo much worse than everyone's. I'm not sure when I'll start biking, soon I hope, I just need to find a new helmet and I'm actually, surprisingly, really picky about that. I really liked my helmet, like a lot. It was a good weight, amazing color, great fit, it looked good on me, all the things you want in a good man...er helmet. I've found a couple of contenders but I have to order one and then figure out the whole biking thing. I want to go back to Leadville and ride the route I did when I crashed, and crush it. But that probably won't be my first ride out. I'll keep you posted, if nothing else at this point I have a reason to keep writing. 

I had the house to myself this past week. My parents left on Sunday and my roommate left for the week last Monday. I didn't tell my parents that he left because then I'm pretty sure they would have stayed. As much as I appreciated my mom taking care of me (and I really did because I think I would have rushed back sooner than I did and it would have taken a lot longer to feeling as good as I am now) it was nice having a little down time. The only problem I ran into was when I got home from dropping my roomie off at the airport I went to paint my nails and realized that since my left hand still wasn't able to grip I couldn't get any of my nail polish open. I tried everything, putting the bottle behind my knee, between my knees, holding it with my toes. Luckily I found a small little sample bottle that I could open with my finger tips because it wasn't shut tight- so the week wasn't as long as it could have been. Only once did I have to go ask my neighbor how to turn on the stove.....those critical thinking skills are slowly coming back.  

2810

2810. This is my race number for Leadville. Don't worry you can relax (or put the rosary down) I accepted the medical deferral. I didn't even bring my bike up because I knew I would contemplate riding when I got to Leadville. And I did, but didn't have my bike. I love it when past me takes into account the actions of future me and acts accordingly. The doctor didn't clear me when I saw her on Tuesday, actually it went more like this:
Me: "Leadville granted me a medical deferral so I can race in 2013"
Her: "Oh, I'm so glad to hear that, because I didn't want to have to tell you not to ride."
Me: "I'm glad too, because then I didn't have to disobey you and then see you next week wondering why I'm not feeling better."

So we all win. 

When I texted my dad, I said, They granted me a medical deferral, I get to race in 2012!!. He wrote back, uh, don't you mean 2013. I said, Yah, I keep forgetting it's not 2011. Don't worry I'm getting better everyday!!

I would have been Linus.

I'm really not sure what I would have done had I not gotten the medical deferral. As crazy and as compromising as it would have been to race, people don't get chances like this everyday. But I'm glad I got it as I walked up 27 stairs the other day and was out of breath and my legs hurt. I got to the top and thought "Powerline definitely would have handed my ass to me on a silver platter" which it might have done without crashing but at least I would have had a chance.

Maybe I'll start baking again

Because I wasn't able to work I've tried to take time to reflect on my training leading up to the race, and to start thinking about next year. It's weird I feel like in a twisted way I've been given a second chance. I did feel ready for this year but now it's like I know what not to do. I'm not sure I want to live my life another year saying "after Leadville" especially because my mom said something about going to Harry Potter World and without thinking I said, "It'll have to be after Leadville next year." I realized that I probably got a little obsessed and maybe too focused on one race. I put more focus on the end result of getting to Leadville and finishing than just enjoying the process. Especially because the end result isn't what I thought it would be at this point. I think I'm going to take some time off from training, not only because my doctor recommended it, but I need it. I want to start playing more tennis and by that I mean start playing tennis (they have such cute clothes), start doing more swim workouts, regularly running and doing more road and mountain bike rides just for fun. I'm thinking I'll go to California, sit on a beach, hopefully do some surfing, and then come back just in time to get settled into a grad school class. I want to get back into the flow of school and work and then start thinking about training in October. I also think I'm going to invest in a coach because I was always worried I wasn't doing enough to prepare (when really at some points I was probably doing too much). That way they can also help me balance it with my life a little more. I'm also thinking I'll do a few more races next year probably in the Leadville Race Series but just to get my feet wet so I'm not jumping in head first (because concussions are not fun).     

I haven't been able to shave my legs since the crash, so it's probably a good thing that I've sworn off boys for another year. It's not like I would be able to date anyways because my roommate is a bigger rooster stopper than CB was in college. My brother did ask if I did anything to my head besides a bad concussion (which I thought was a weird question) but just said, "I scratched my face but it has healed up pretty nicely so there is still hope in finding a husband." He replied, "Hope springs eternal." I've missed him.

Don't judge her, she's "comfy"

I'm up at Copper Mountain right now, the house was already paid for so my parents figured we'd just make it into more of a vacation. My sister and I took the bunk beds, which I proclaimed if I was still racing I would lay stake on the king bed. I did pick up my packet (mainly for the most expensive t-shirt I've ever bought) and activated my chip before realizing that probably a bad idea. I then was worried about getting a DNF behind my name when I hadn't even started. I talked to the lady who granted me the medical deferral and she took care of it. I got nervous even being in the racing atmosphere and I still have another year to prepare. Luckily that also means my mom and grandmother have another year to put some rosaries in the bank, as I'm sure I cashed in all the ones they had prayed for me on my crash.

Target let's me coordinate my bandage with my manicure

My doctor wants to see me back if my wrist doesn't heal in the next week or so. She thinks that most of the fall was stopped with my hand as I can't lift too much more than an iphone or move it in certain positions. I have managed putting my hair in a pony tail with one hand (#skillsIwishIcouldputonmyresume). It would be nice to get full function back as I'm limited to what bikes I talk about at work because I can't get any down from the second tier. I'm hoping that if I do go back and see her I can try and set her up with my roommate because it would be beneficial for me to have a doctor in the house.

I did volunteer for the race just so I can get a better sense of how everything works. I have to be there earlier than if I was racing but I'll be at the first check point. I'm trying to talk Frank into coming with me but he's not super keen on getting up at 4:30 to hand out water, especially if Lance isn't here.

Blue. Tree. Frog.

These are the three words the ER nurse asked me to remember. When she asked me to recall them a while later I stammered out "Blue...uh...yep, that's all I got!" Which I thought was pretty good considering I woke up thinking it was July 15 and had to look at my Road ID to figure out who I was, thanks again Molly! I actually thought that my last training ride was going to be so uneventful I had started working on ideas about what to write before the race (and this is when God starts laughing, I hope he's ROFL about this one). Yes, I crashed on my last training ride and while I don't remember much I'll relay what I do.

I had met my mom and and my sister, Mary Clair in Silverthorne last Tuesday morning. My sister drove me to Leadville, so I could rest, while my mom followed in her car. We stopped by the race shop so I could get another map and then parked at Twin Lakes Dam. I was about to change when I told my mom and MC to turn around because I wasn't wearing any underwear. My mom asked why, and I replied "I don't need to with bike shorts and I'm not wearing a clean pair for only the drive up." MC and my mom then headed off to Crested Butte to take MC shopping before going to the cabin. I decided to do Columbine but figured I would warm up first by going 5 miles out in the opposite direction and then back by my car in case I needed anything before heading up Columbine. The 10 mile warm up was uneventful, except I saw a snake which was pretty odd considering I have never seen one up there but took it as a good omen because it was my last big training ride. I stopped by my car because I've been contemplating buying a lighter wheel set and decided I would at least call and see if they had them in stock to ship out right away. They didn't have the ones I wanted but they did have a set, I told them I would call back the next day to order them. I wanted to check with some guys at work and see what they thought of them before I paid for overnight shipping. I started the trip up Columbine, this time I actually saw quiet a few bikers, one who was much older yelled at me to "Enjoy it" as I climbed up and he whizzed by going down. I thought to myself I will do just that. I saw an antelope on the way up and it acted a little strange just in the sense that it crossed the road right in front of me and then stopped and stared me down as I road by. But I was going slow enough that it was probably just appalled by my lack of speed.

Take Cover!

It started raining which I didn't mind because being from South Dakota, it's a pleasure to ride in the rain. I did mind when it started hailing. Luckily I was near a campsite and someone had pitched a tarp off their trailer that I ducked in there. I didn't think they would mind me taking refugee till it let up, especially because I left them some money to ward off any bad karma that might follow me. The rest of the climb was slow going but I felt good and made it to the top no problem. At the top I saw a car heading down so I took one of the side roads off to avoid any tight spaces with the car. I road until I reached 20 miles on my garmin and then figured another 10 back to my car and debated doing more but decided to see how I felt when I got back. I don't know if this is relevant but I did take my inhaler at the top because I started feeling some tightness in my chest and wanted to ward off any attack that might be brewing. 

I started the descent down and passed the car pretty quickly. I was making mental notes of how far from the top things were, the creepy house with the army convoy .75 miles from the top, which means 4.25 miles up in the climb. I remember thinking I need to remember that because I always think that house is closer to the bottom. I also made a mental list of things I wanted to do when I got home that night; go to Whole Foods, put together my shower stand, maybe watch Silence of the Lambs, do abs, and start making a list of things for Leadville. That's my last real memory of the ride before waking up in the rear seat of the car I had passed with some biker handing me my broken Oakley's telling me I was going to be okay. 

Didn't see my night going like this...

When I was passed out I was in this weird dream state where I remember walking around the forest up in Leadville. I was angry and at the same time content that this is how I was spending me last training ride, just walking around the forest. I remember some of my college friends were there as well as my roommate. When I woke up I didn't realize that the dream hadn't happened and thought that my roommate was in Leadville so I called his work about 5 times not remembering that I had called and he wasn't there. I also thought it was July 15th and wasn't sure what year it was or where I lived. The people whose car I was in were from Missouri and one of them was a nurse so they put ice on my head and flew to the hospital. On the way I called my mom and one of the ladies talked to her. I tried calling Molly but her ringer was off so she texted back, "Sorry, ringer turned off. Still @ work everything okay?"
I replied back, "No, I crashed I don't remember much in car on my way to hospital."

"Are you serious? Which hospital? You're not driving, are you?"

"Leadville I don't know some people picked me up." And that was all the details I felt were necessary to give her. I do remember talking on the phone to her later but I'm not sure what was said.

At the ER they changed me out of my clothes and into a gown and tried to start an IV. I suggested using a butterfly needle (not sure where I pulled that one out of) so the nurse did and sill couldn't get it so she sent an EMT in to do it who told me you can't use butterfly needles to start IVs but you can to draw blood. Why the nurse listened to me when I coun't even remember my middle name, I'm not sure. The doc checked me over and said no riding for 14 days, but Leadville is in 12?!?? He just said sorry. He then sent a cute EMT (figures the one day I don't wear makeup to ride) to bandage my wounds. He said he would be stationed at Powerline on race day I told him I might stop off for an IV. He also tole me that if it was him, he'd still race. Easy for him to say he's on the other side of the hospital bed.

My mom came in while MC went with the people from MO to get my bike out of their car and pick up my car. I told my mom they had to take my bike clothes off to check me over. She said, "I bet you wish you would have worn underwear." and I said, "It's nothing they haven't seen before." Luckily because my mom and sister were there I could borrow their clothes and not have to wear hospital scrubs out (I already have my Halloween costume for this year so I wasn't really in need). My mom took me back to Abe and Molly's that night where I began to feel worse with waves of nausea hitting so she took me back to the ER where they did a CT of my head (they thought it was weird that Leadville didn't do one considering I lost 90 minutes of memory) and an X-Ray of my hand. Both came back clean. I saw a concussion management doctor on Thursday who said Leadville is out, but I scheduled another appointment for next Tuesday just in case I make a turn for the better. She also said no rides longer than an hour for 4 weeks. So now I'm working on a deferral for the race to try and get in next year. I haven't heard back yet but fingers crossed they approve it.

Not getting that bracelet off anytime soon!

In the mean time because I can't do much else, I've been working on theories to how/why I crashed. I find it very strange that I crashed on that road because I know my skills and the road I was riding is not technical at all; it's essentially like Battle Mountain, just a fire road that's pretty wide. I'm open to anyone's ideas. The right side of my helmet is cracked, but my left eye and chin are scrapped up. My left arm is cut and my left hand is swollen with road rash on the back of my hand and left hip. My right leg is all bruised and scrapped up. I don't have any defense wounds on my palms almost like I didn't have time to react.
This is what I've got:

1.) I was riding and hit my head on a tree branch, got knocked out and then fell off my bike.

2.) A stick/snake got stuck in my spoke causing me to crash.

3.) I swerved to miss a deer or a snake or a chipmunk.

4.) I pass out on my bike before I even crashed, causing my body to go limp which is why I'm not hurt worse.

5.) A mountain man clubbed me over the head to try and make me his wife and as he was dragging me off heard the other bikers coming and left me and ran. (That's the top theory right now)

6.) That antelope came back with a vengeance like this one in South Africa.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2oymHHyV1M&feature=player_embedded

Definitely needed more than a sample

We were at the mall the other day because I had felt bad that I crashed (literally) MC's vacation so I rallied for about an hour so she could go get her makeup done at Clinique. My mom fed me cookies the whole time to keep me from fading (I don't remember the last time I ate 1 let alone 4 cookies, but the doctor told her my brain needs glucose). As the lady was wrapping up she looked at me and asked if I wanted any samples, I said, "Sure, you can surprise me though, I can't really think right now." So she gave me some eye cream and the I asked, "Do you think I could get a sample of concealer?" My mom replied, "I think you're going to need more than a sample." 

........

I spent the past week at Molly's with my mom ad MC. I called my roommate the other day to tell him I was probably going to be coming home this past Saturday. He asked if my first aid kit was stocked. I said that since my mom isn't really medical she gets anything she might need, so my first aid kit had expanded immensely from duct tape and Disney Princess band-aids. I should be good for at least another 4 crashes....

What I thought I'd be writing about....

 Things I was going to blog about:
-What I was going to wear for the race, the little Gucci dress, the little Gucci dress, or the little Gucci dress -(Spice Girls anyone?) Actually I was going to wear my Landry's jersey and my short Pearl shorts. I figure I could get away with the short shorts because I'm a girl so no one will take me seriously anyways, and they're not even my shortest.
-What color toenail polish I was going to wear "Teal the Cows Come Home" has been the favorite so far. I would have had to touch it up as it came off the toe with no toenail when I was doing a swim workout last week.
-How the only time I've lost weight during training was right before Molly's wedding when I went in for my last fitting (5 days before the wedding) and was told I'd gained 2 inches in my chest (as a result of all those push-up/pulls I was doing). Probably the only time I'll be upset that my bra size went up. Luckily my mom reminded me that no one was going to be looking at me.

That's where I'm at. It still hasn't really hit me that I'm more than likely not racing. Even if my some slim chance I do get cleared my body has been compromised so much that isn't not really fair to ask it to try when I can't give 100 percent. I was telling my mom how I thought Leadville was going to be the capstone of everything, starting in the ER when I got hit by the car and then finishing at Leadville. She pointed out that it had come full circle. ER to ER. I'll keep you posted with what the doc says on Tuesday but don't hold your breath. 

P.S. I've recently moved and my new address is 2502 S. Lafayette St. Denver, CO 80210 if you feel so inclined to send a get-well card! 

In about 4 weeks you can bet this will be me!

A Blue Streak

I've started wearing this bangle, I actually got the idea from a girl who races for Trek she wears her mother's pearl necklace and I thought I could wear something while I ride. I tried out my necklace that says "Spike The Punch" but got a little nervous that it would slash my jugular if I got it caught on a tree branch (I know a little extreme). I put on my bangle that says "A Blue Streak" (which I think is their way of saying "A New Streak" or at least I'm pretending it is) about 4 weeks ago. My parents bought it for me the afternoon the case wrapped and I haven't really worn it since. If nothing else I figured it would remind me of how far I've come since that day. Little did I now that when I put it on 4 weeks ago I wouldn't be able to get it off. I figure I'll butter my wrist up after Leadville but not really worry about it or the awesome tan lines I get from it until then. 

Directions this great...who could get lost?!?

Last time I was at Leadville I completed the entire course. The last section I needed to do was from Twin Lakes Dam back to Pipeline Aid Station. I did that section (or at least I think I did) and then Powerline. I know for a fact I did Powerline, which I can only compare to "He Who Shall Not Be Named" in Harry Potter. Only because when you talk about it, it invokes fear in those who have seen it or heard the horror stories. Last time I was planning on riding it I saw it from my car and called it a day. It has three false summits and only one real line you can ride, which should be fun with 2,000 other people trying to ride the same line. It's around mile 25 on the way out which will be going down, I've heard about many cracked frames and fractured collar bones on that descent. And then mile 75 for the climb back up, which I've heard has captured many broken spirits. I did it the other day and felt really good the whole time. I actually felt really good the entire time I was up there riding, I really think it was the bonding I did with my bike- ha. I'm no longer seeing the bike as a means to an end but more as part of the journey (my philosophy professor would be proud, I hope!) I also had a few other aha inspired moments when I riding that have helped put me at ease:

1.) Regardless of the cut off time my family/friends will be at the end cheering me in. Although winning would be a great ending to a book.

2.) It took Mary Claire 3 years to become a state champion, do you know what we did the two years she lost? We went shopping. So either I'll be getting a nice new belt buckle (Leadville's prize) or a new pair of shoes. I'm not upset about either option.

3.) People have finished under 12 hours and people haven't.

4.) My journey didn't start when I signed up for the race, more like it finished.  Leadville isn't going to change anything I've accomplished thus far. 

It's like the Oregon Trail...Hopefully I don't die of Dysentery!!

I also think it helps that I am fully moved into my new place which doesn't come with air soft guns, throwing stars, or a samurai sword, and it has air conditioning so I tend to sleep a little better at night. I'm also planning a trip to California the beginning of September so it's nice having something to look forward to after the race. And now that I type that I realize I haven't mentioned the trip to my parents...good thing they read my blog!

This past weekend our shop partnered with Trek to host a Beginner Women's Mountain Bike Clinic. The girl from Trek drives around to different locations from Colorado to the Pacific Ocean putting on the clinics...and I want to know how I can get her job. Barb, Molly and Jessie all came to it. Barb and Molly had their sweet new bikes and Jessie is now contemplating which one to buy. It was pretty fun, even though I was working I managed to finally conquer a wheelie, which I now plan on showing off all the time. I guess it just took a girl explaining it rather than the guys telling me to "just" push down on the pedals. Barb mentioned that moms probably shouldn't watch me try to attempt it as it resulted in a few spills and with Leadville coming up I can't be too careful.

Pros by the end of the day!

Today (Tuesday) will be my last big ride before the race. I'll be headed up to Leadville and I'm thinking I'll do the Columbine climb again, (maybe even get another beer) or another little section. I'm not sure how I want to cap it off but I have a nice drive to figure it out. I can't believe it's so close. I'm not sure if I want to throw up from nervousness or pee my pants from excitement. I'll keep you posted on what comes first. 

I Regret Nothing

This is what I imagine each time too.

I've come to say this line a lot lately. With only about 3 weeks to go till Leadville there isn't much time to make big improvements so I have to go with what I've got at this point. I especially use it when I eat a cookie. It also encompasses the larger picture. I'm finally at a place where I regret nothing that has happened because all those little incidents and wrong turns have lead me exactly to this place. i.e. Had I actually stayed in Mexico (not by choice) I wouldn't have stopped by Molly's for a few days on the way back. I wouldn't have went on a Real Housewives of New Jersey bender, only to be prompted by Molly to maybe look for a job. Not wanting to disappoint I went to the nearest shop and applied. I got the job and well the rest up to Leadville is history. I regret nothing, the mistakes make us who we are. 

Highest point on their route!!

I did Hoosier Pass last week with some girls I met in Vegas. I left that part out in the Vegas blog, mainly because my blogs tend to run a little long. I met them out riding when I stopped to ask for directions (being a female I do that). They were on touring bikes and I asked them what they training for. They casually said, "to ride across the country" and then one mentioned this was her 7th time on a bike. The other girl had given up alcohol and decided she needed a physical challenge to fill that void, and thought this would be a good one. Being on your bike for 3 months will either help you not drink...or lead you to it (I'm not sure where I'm at, ha just kidding!). It just so happened that when they were passing through Breckenridge I had the day off. I went up there, stayed in a Hostel (I guess part of being an adult is not sleeping in your car) and then road up the pass with them at 5:30am. I had never been over that pass so didn't really know what to expect, I thought it would be like Cottonwood or Loveland pass, but it was actually pretty tame. They asked me if I wanted to keep riding to Fairplay to get breakfast but I had accidentally made an appointment to talk to a grad school adviser at DU that afternoon so had to head back when we got to the top (this is me trying to be responsible, and then I stopped at IKEA and locked my keys in the car, baby steps). One of the girls complimented me on my "biker booty" and said she hoped her butt looked like mine when they were done with the trip. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's more attributed to the 4 years of college volleyball than all the biking I do. Whatever helps keep her motivated...

He wasn't there

I also went on a date (when it was my off week so I bent more than broke the rules). I had met him at my birthday celebration, and I'm not exactly sure why me drinking tequila, throwing up, and then making out with him (sorry mom and dad) makes for potential girlfriend material but he asked me out.  Because I wasn't riding (from feeling a bit under the weather) I had time to go. So I did. It was a bit weird, mainly because I had lost my voice that day (I even offered to reschedule but I don't think he realized when I said, I can't really talk, I meant that literally). I realized I didn't really have time to try and develop a relationship with riding time. I figured if I really liked him or felt a connection I probably would have found time. I thought dating would be more exciting but now I think I'll have to start training for something else after Leadville.

Who wears short shorts?

I went up to Leadville again this week, I figured I would ride there and then drive down to our cabin near Cottonwood Pass and stay there and ride up the pass and then head home. I got to Leadville and stopped by the race shop to get directions to where I wanted to ride. I think they finally realized that if they were going to let more women do it they needed to provide adequate directions (or maybe they just got tired of me calling all the time) so this time there was a detailed sheet of how to drive to each checkpoint. Which was nice because then I didn't have to talk to anyone or pull out my big forest map. I drove up to Powerline and got out of the car when it started raining. I decided not to ride because I feel like I've been fighting something anytime I ride up there, I never seem to get into a good flow, and I never get done and think "Man, I just kicked ass." So when the rain started I decided to call it a day and head to the cabin, plus the 6 shots of espresso I had were not kicking in. I'm trying this new thing were I actually listen to my body rather than fight it. I went to the cabin and took a nice 3 hour nap before I went and grabbed some dinner and filled up on gas (incase I had to make a quick get-a-way in the middle of the night, without cell coverage you can never be too sure). Then I went back to bed. I rode Cottonwood Pass, which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I mean it was 12 miles and took me 85 minutes but I tried to mimic a race-pace mentality and I felt pretty good the whole way. 

So True.

I also saw my first snake of the season today (one nice perk of riding at altitude, not many snakes) I was on a trail outside of Denver when it was slithering off to the side. Before, I had made a last minute decision to leave my heart rate monitor in the car, which was a good call because I can tell you I almost had a myocardial infarction and didn't need a HR monitor to tell me that. My dad always asks me why I'm afraid of snakes when I'm on a bike because I'm not on the ground and I'm a lot larger than it, but it's more that I'm afraid I'll run over it and it will get caught in my spokes and then thrown onto my back (I know it's a little extreme).  It was a good motivated to haul balls and just ride up that mountain. I tried to calm myself by saying that it was a good sign because last night I had moved a good portion of my stuff to my new rental down in Denver. Not that I'm apprehensive about it but it is a pretty big change, I'm going from 4 guys to 1 and trying to start classes and figure out the next step, and snakes are a sign of of healing, transformation, rebirth, and immortality. I'm not sure how DF would feel about me trying to put that spin on it, especially because in Abrahamic religions the serpent is a sign of sexual desire (but maybe that has something to do with taking a vow of celibacy until after the race). Or maybe the snake was just trying to get warm on the trail.  

 

Nobody Wakes Up When They Want to

Miley said it was worth the climb

The last 2 days I spent at Leadville last week went surprisingly well considering.... My second day up there I planned to do a long ride but cut it short when I was 11,200 feet up and lightning struck. As much fun as Wayne had when he got electrocuted I'm not exactly asking to join that club. (My mom said it's those critical thinking skills I developed at college that she's most proud of.) I got about 4 hours in and was able to ride a good portion of the trail. I still have about 15 miles of uncharted trail to wade through, but I've got time. The last morning I was there I just decided to focus on mile 48-50. I thought maybe I'd do a couple of hill repeats maybe do those 2 miles a few times. This is when God starts laughing at me. I didn't realize it would take me 40 minutes to go 2 miles. I think they put all the climbing in that section. The view is pretty great so definitely worth it. But I think it'll be faster if I run up it with my bike. It only took me 6 minutes to get down it, and that's including the 2 minutes I was lying on the ground after I knocked the wind out of myself. I don't know if you've ever gotten the wind knocked out of you at sea level, but at 12,000 feet it sucks and you're sucking a lot for air. The part of the trail I was going down was really lose and I got sucked into a rut and then thrown into a side wall which prompted my body to continue moving forward even though my bike had stopped (and I thought I'd never have a use for physics). Some how in the mix of tumbling over the handlebars I either managed to run into the handlebars or punch myself in the stomach, it's not really clear and I'm going to blame it on the lack of oxygen. I was able to recover, not gracefully, as knocking the wind out of yourself might be the most embarrassing thing one can encounter. Luckily it's pretty desolate at 12,000 feet. 

Birthday Bash!!

I share the same birthday as one of the guys at the shop so he planned a biking adventure up at Curt Gowdy for a few days. The day after I came back from Leadville I headed up which after having an ass kicking fiesta from Leadville, wasn't exactly super stoked to be spending more time with my bike. Since I was only there for a night I decided to sleep in my car with my bike instead of setting up a tent. The next day my butt definitely did not want to get back on the bike. But I'm glad I did. It was so much fun and just what I needed. There was one section where you take a sharp right and then climb up a nice rock face. Well I turned and went to start climbing but because of the grade didn't shift my weight far enough forward and lifted the bike up and instead of flipping over I jumped off only to have my shoes slide down the rock causing me to tumble over and have my bike land on top of me. Another great fall I took happened at about 3mph, my bike rammed into a lifted rock and I started going over the handlebars, I realized this and yelled, "Oh shit!" and bailed to one side while my bike tumbled the other way. One of the guys saw my bike and told me he thought I'd have to be taken out on a stretcher. Luckily I have a lot of practice falling. One of the guys had to get 7 stitches (don't worry mom, I walked that section) so I definitely came out ahead. I feel like I left that trip bonded with my bike. It was probably the 8 hours we spent in the back of my car, that will do it to anyone.

Best. Bike. Ever.

My birthday cruiser ride went well. I was drinking water by the second bar but then everybody was so impressed I made it to the 3rd bar they started buying me shots again. Little Boy Blue held up (no pun intended) surprisingly well. The seat stays were low enough that when I started to swerve they would hit the ground sending sparks and making a horrific banshie sounding noise. It was a good way to know I needed to be a little more upright. I also cut my leg on the pedal somehow but informed everyone that it was okay because I have more blood than people living at sea level and could afford to lose some. At every bar I kept asking for an 11 mm wrench to tighten the seat bolts but no one seemed to have on so by the end of the night my seat kept dropping down causing the seat stays to drag on the ground. Whenever someone said something I said, "Well ya, 145 pounds of muscle is pushing down on it, why would it stay up?" We did rectify the tandem for this ride but I refused to use it, instead one of the girls from the shop and her boyfriend had the honor. The pedals are a little out of sync and the next day we found out the front wheel wasn't properly tightened down, but it survived. I don't think they appreciated when I tried to pop the balloons off the back of their bike because it reminded me of mario kart. 

I also came across this article a few weeks ago that I have open on my phone at all times   now. A senior wrote it for a special edition in the Yale Daily News. It was only after she passed away in a car accident that the piece gained national attention. I'll let you read it for yourself but one paragraph has stuck with me:
 

"We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement."

http://www.yaledailynews.com/news/2012/may/27/keegan-opposite-loneliness/

I had to take this past week off from most of my training I think my body just threw up a white flag and I actually listened, but this article helped me not fret, because I am so young that if not this year, next year Leadville is still going to be there, kicking ass and taking names. It's really helped me to put things in perspective especially with the next step after Leadville, which stay tuned because I'm still not sure what that is. I keep thinking after Leadville is when everything will happen. My life is somewhat on pause until then. But that's just it this is my life and it's not stopping to wait for me. Nobody wakes up when they want to, but when they do they can't back to sleep, the show is too damn good.